My Mum is a Loser (The Barry Loser Series) by Barry Loser

Author:Barry Loser [Loser, Barry]
Language: eng
Format: azw3
ISBN: 9781780312705
Publisher: Egmont UK Ltd
Published: 2012-09-02T16:00:00+00:00

My mum would probably be up the stairs by the time I got to three, but it’d be too late because her son would already be dead.

By the time I’d counted to ninety nine, my left arm had started to go numb because it was under my stupid body, so I did one last death-wriggle and freed it, and then I was completely dead.

By the time I got to two hundred and seventeen, my nose had started to itch from being face to face with the carpet, so I did a few blows out of my mouth towards it, which I think probably happens when you’re dead anyway. But it didn’t work, so I quickly reached up and scratched it.

I’d lost count and had started imagining everyone crying at my funeral when I heard my mum coming up the stairs, although my eyes were closed so it could have been Bunky, except his knees don’t do a massive click every time they bend.

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